[[I apologize in advance for the vibes that may come off from this post.]]




The truth is, I am SO ANNOYED with the number of people in my life claiming to be “dead inside.”

Phrases like:
“My heart is cold,”
“I died years ago,”
“There's no fixing me, I'm already dead.”




Seriously?




THIS is how you're going to spend your life?

THIS is what you're going to declare over yourself?




WAKE UP.

GROW UP.

STOP being such a f*cking baby.

(Sorry for the language, mom, there's no better adjective for this topic).




These are the same people asking, “Why are you so sweet?” or
“How are you filled with rainbows and unicorns all the time?”




The truth is, I come off as sweet because that's how I want to present myself to the world.




Guess what.
Life IS hard for everyone.
It's a challenge.
We're meant to learn lessons in order to grow.
I have just as many bad days as you. I have lost just as many people to cancer and disease, have just as much debt, anxiety, worries, plain old bad stuff that happens to me too.




Life is what you make of it.
You create your own reality.

If you want to be dead inside and cut your precious time on this beautiful earth short (it's already short enough) then by all means go on and continue your sad, depressing, “woe-is-me,” negativity, feeding off of your sick-and-tired self.




OR...




You can get back on that horse (or bike) and make the decision to change your life for the better.





Be a warrior. Be strong. Be bold. Be courageous.


Release your emotions and open up your heart.


Recognize the potential within yourself.


Believe in yourself.


Make it about you.


Heal yourself.


(There are people out there willing to help).





Read a book.


Follow an uplifting blog.


Get a hobby.


Color in a coloring book.


Spend time outside in nature.


Meditate.


Eat better.


Get enough sleep.



BREATHE.





Let go of all the negative things that happened in your past.


Forgive yourself.


Forgive those that hurt you.


Stop worrying about tomorrow...
There's no need to be anxious for tomorrow or the next day.


Take life a day at a time.


Be present.


Be aware.


Learn who you are.


Go back to your childhood.


Remember your roots.


Take control of your life.


Allow your heart to grow.



For the love of all things, please stop declaring “death” over your soul.





End Rant.

If you are unhappy, the best thing you can do is analyze yourself:

Who you are versus who you intend to be.
What you have versus what you need.
Where you are now versus where you would like to be.




Going back a few years to a darker point in my life, when I was apt to severe anxiety and panic attacks, doubt and depression and an overall state of mental and emotional exhaustion, I knew something had to change. This wasn't me. I am not these negative attributes that one could easily use to describe me. As much as I let this negativity take over the greater portion of my well-being, there was still something deep inside screaming to be released. The better part of me, the self, the consciousness, the soul, the absolute most true version of me, hidden and pushed aside through spiritual neglect, taken over by the cares and worries of every day life.




There came a point when I realized I needed to have a heart to heart with myself to find the root of my unhappiness. I actually began to write a list of “pros” and “cons” in my life. This list included things like being with my wonderful boyfriend to living hundreds of miles from my family; having amazing and supportive friends to having a job that was constantly bringing me down. I proceeded to go through all areas of my life, writing both what made me happy versus what was negatively impacting my life. After writing this list, I held onto it for a good few weeks, referring to it every so often before finally deciding what I was going to do about it.




During these weeks, (because the universe works in mysterious ways), a friend of mine invited me to attend a guided meditation at the local Buddhist meditation center down the street. Being raised in the Christian church, I knew meditation would bring a sense of calm and serenity, but it wasn't until years after leaving the church did I make the correlation between God, the Universe, and my Inner-Self as one in the same. What an amazing experience this guided meditation was, sitting in absolute silence, breathing deep and allowing my mind to finally be still and quiet. I enjoyed the experience so much that I decided to return the following week, shortly thereafter making the decision to buy my first yoga mat and yoga DVD geared toward stress relief. Right from the start of my practice, I learned how emotionally intense and healing yoga and meditation can be.




Getting back to my list, it was time to begin eliminating some of the negative aspects of my life. First, I had to realize that not everything could be changed easily or right away. For example, living hundreds of miles from my immediate family, while it made me unhappy, was something that I had to learn to accept by reassuring myself that I am still loved by them no matter the distance and that if needed, they will be there for me anytime I call. What I needed to do was focus on the areas that I could change. For me, the biggest cause of my unhappiness was in my work situation. I realized that I was meant to do more, meant to do something that would make a bigger difference in the lives of others, and that the stress and anxiety caused from this particular job was absolutely holding me back from being the best version of myself that I could be. It was time to let go, to move on and continue on this journey of happiness through life.




After talking with my at-the-time boyfriend (and now amazing husband), the decision to leave my job made the most sense. He saw the absolute worst of my anxiety and knew where the bulk of it stemmed from, and thankfully supported my decision to move on. After following through and leaving my work situation, a huge sense of relief came over me. I knew this was the start of my healing journey and I still had a long way to go. However, sometimes the first steps toward change are the most difficult and I had finally taken mine. From that point on, my life became a whirlwind of change. There have been ups and downs, lessons to be learned, but where I am now and who I intend to be are becoming closer and closer with each day, as I continue to grow stronger mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.




If you are going through a severe bout of unhappiness, I would absolutely recommend analyzing your life, making yourself a list to find any negative aspects that you may be able to change, and practicing meditation and/or yoga to calm and strengthen your heart and mind. You were put on this earth with so much potential and your unhappiness may just be your inner-self screaming to you that you need to change something in order to get back on track with your journey, to live the life you are meant to love.

This message was brought to you by Yogi Tea's Detox- Healthy Cleansing Formula, because a healthy body goes hand-in-hand with a healthy mind.

Sometimes the simplest act of "letting it be" seems the hardest. Our culture has led us to a place of fast-paced existence, wanting instant results and pushing ourselves to the point of stress to get there. If we change our perspective and realize that all we need will be revealed to us once we slow down and enjoy the present moment, we will all be at ease and have peace. Take time out of your hectic, busy life to sit silently and be thankful for the good that currently exists in your life. 💜🌿

I can't even count the amount of times I have had this internal conversation with myself over the years. We all have different struggles, we have all hit that place of "rock bottom" at one point or another, we have all had times in our lives when we're ready to give up. The truth is, we can either let them defeat us or use them to make us stronger.

Remember to breathe and tell yourself everything will be okay. Learn from your mistakes. There are amazing results when you overcome negativity through positive thoughts. You WILL make it! 💛

As children growing up we are all asked two simple questions:
Who are you?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
(also translated as what do you plan to do with your life?)

Sure there are kids out there that could easily answer that question. They had dreams from a young age, aspirations, they were blessed with the ability to already know who they were and could set out following that dream from the moment they thought it up, allowing them to be successful at a young age. For me, that wasn't the case.

Throughout my quarter of a century so far on earth, I've found these two question to be the most annoying, difficult questions to answer. What do you mean, “who am I?” I'm STILL trying to figure that out. While my parents were on their course of dream chasing, I spent my young years moving from school to school, church to church, house to house, recognizing at a young age that options ARE possible.

I've NEVER known what I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course I would throw around ideas based on my hobbies or based on what others thought would be best for me. But really, the only thing I wanted to do when I grew up was: to love, be loved, and be happy.

I had multiple teachers throughout the years that would use those two questions as an ice breaker at the beginning of a lesson. Teachers that when I gave my answer, would correct me in saying that wasn't the right answer and that it didn't apply to that question. It wasn't the type of answer they were looking for.

What they didn't realize was that it was the answer they needed all along. Its the answer all of us need. Love leads the way. I always knew this in my heart and always tried to keep it the main focus of my mind.

I used to let tears quietly fall from the corners of my eyes out of embarrassment for not being able to give teachers the answer they were looking for. Embarrassed that the rest of the class had normal kid-dream answers and I, no matter how much I tried to think of what my dream occupation or “passion” was, I couldn't come up with the right answer. 

This embarrassment led to fear. Fear of being different. I was different. I've had others along the way let me know. “You're not from this world,” my father-in-law would jokingly say. He was right. I've never felt I belonged in the world I was living in.

It wasn't until my adult years that I realized that my way of thinking was all wrong. I didn't belong to this world because the world actually belonged to me. I was put here to take care of the earth, and to make use of the treasures and gifts hidden within. To be one with nature. 

To be nurtured by nature.


<3

Fun Fact About Me: Over the past few years I have secretly been battling severe anxiety and depression. I have come a long way on my journey, this past year especially, and am so thankful for the love and support given to me by my close friends and loving husband through it all. While going through old files on my computer, I came across a poem I wrote during an anxiety attack. I began using my love for writing to release my emotions and help strengthen my healing process. Upon reading this again many months later, I am very pleased with how far I have come. I'm sure anyone battling anxiety can relate to the majority of this piece. Please read through to the end, as I hope it may inspire and help you on your own journey. Please feel free to share. <3

A Lesson on Forgiveness:

From a young age I have been taught to "forgive and forget."

Through the years, no matter how much I wanted to, I struggled with allowing myself to forgive one person in particular. As much as I have kept telling myself not to hold a grudge and to let things go, the feelings of anger toward this person would continue to surface. Rather than mending the wounds through communication and forgiveness, talking about these issues with her would backfire within my own mind and cut even deeper still.

This person has brought out emotions of anger and guilt within me through the years that in all other aspects of my life I can cast aside, yet with her, they continue to bubble up. Yes, I still love her and she will always be an important part of my life, but still, I have had the hardest time forgiving her. The words exchanged between us have caused a guilt within me that has in turn caused me to end valuable relationships with people that were nothing but kind to me, simply to make her happy. This is where I have struggled the most. The guilt she brought upon me caused me to feel even more guilt and shame toward myself and toward the people that I have loved and lost in order to satisfy and justify her words.

I would like to believe that this person is ignorant to how her words and actions have hurt me through the years, that she has unintentionally brought me down and that I shouldn't let it bother me so much because really, she is simply trying her best to get through life just as we all are.

I recently came across two quotes by Dr. Steve Maraboli that really hit close to home for me:

“The truth is, unless you let go, 
unless you forgive yourself, 
unless you forgive the situation, 
unless you realize the situation is over, 
you cannot move forward.”

and

“Forgiveness is a reflection of loving yourself enough to move on.”

There is this saying that we need to act rather than react. In the case of my relationship with this person, the action would be to forgive. Where I have gone wrong all these years is in my reaction. Instead of simply forgiving, letting go, and moving on, I would react with anger, guilt, and shame, never allowing myself to let go of the situation. Through the years I would continue to let the cycle of these harmful emotions take their toll on me and continue to beat myself up over the situation.

As I have continuously been “working on myself”, on my own well-being and self-transformation through the lessons life has given me throughout my journey, I have learned that before I can love and forgive others, I must first learn how to love and forgive myself. I must let go of the negativity that has kept its firm grip on me, recognize where I went wrong, let go of the past and move on. As I forgive myself I am able to forgive her, feeling and recognizing a sense of freedom, love and gratitude within my mind, heart, and soul. <3